. Merry, merry, merry Christmas
. Dong what they send dong without end
. Theirjoyful tone to every home
. Dong what they send dong without end
. Theirjoyful tone to every home
. Ding dong, ding dong.
. La-la la la la
. Fa la-la la la
. Deck the hall with boughs of holly
. Fa la la la-la
. La-la la la
. 'Tis the season to bejolly. Fa la la la-la . La-la la la
. Don we now our gay apparel
. Fa la la la la-la
. La la la . Troll the ancient yuletide carol
. Fa la la la-la
. La-la la la
. Fa la la l La-la la la la
. Fa la la la-l Fa la la-la la la
. La la-la la la
. La-la l La-la la la
. Ooh ooh ooh oo Ooh ooh ooh ooh
. Ooh ooh oo Ooh-ooh ooh ooh ooh
. Fa la la la l La-la la la la
. Fa la-la la l Fa la-la la la.
[Fingers Snap
[Snap Snap
[Playin TheAddamsFamily Theme
[Snap Snap
[Clock Chimes
[Chime
[Chime [Chime
[Chime
[Chime.
Think of it, Thing.
For 25 years
we've attempte to contact Feste
in the great beyond
and for 25 years..
Nothing l'm beginning to thin
my brother truly is lost.
Don't be a baby
l know what l'm doing
[Muffled Moans.
Help me
l would die for her l would kill for her.
Either way, what bliss.
Unhappy, darling.
Oh, yes.
Yes, completely.
Gomez..
Sun
llmeperce comme unpoignard.
Oh, Tish.
That's French.
Oui.
Cara mia.
En garde, MonsieurSoleil.
Gomez..
Last night you were unhinged.
You were like som desperate howling demon.
You frightened me.
Do it again
[Squeaks.
Thankyou, Lurch
[Squeaks
[Groans
[Squawk.
Damn you, Addams.
Sorry about the window, Judge.
Keep the ball
l have a whole bucketful.
You moron
lt is a milestone, Tish.
This very night, our 25th seance All those years gnawed by guilt..
Undone by woe..
Burning with uncertainty.
Don't torture yourself, Gomez.
That's myjob.
Oh, Tish
lmagine, darling if Fester did come back..
Halfalive... barely human
a rotting shell.
Don't tease.
Ouch.
Stop it
l'm warning you.
Look, darling. Tully is here.
Ah.
Tully.
Romping with Gate.
These are you last paying clients
may l remind you lf it gives you pleasure.
Something has to
like a decent coat something dressy for evening.
Ask for a loan-- beg.
No loans. l am not a bum.
Don't say it
l'll get the money l have a plan.
This is all so humiliating
Why did l marry you.
Because l said yes
l'm here to see Mrs. Addam
about the charity auction
[Growl.
Stop it! Let go of me.
Ah, missed
What's that.
Dirty pool, old man l like it.
Had enough.
Hah
Where's my pen.
Never mind
l'll take yours.
First, the old business.
Charity auction lt's ridiculous.
Perhaps it's in here l don't think so
"Uncle Niknak's winter wardrobe.'
"Uncle Niknak's summer wardrobe.'
"The Fester Addam offshore retirement fund"
What would it do What wouldn't it do.
Fester, all tribute to thee.
Some called him inhumanly evil.
No
l called him brother.
His memory must live o forever... through money
l'm depositing the fund under my name for tax purposes.
That's inspired.
He would've wanted it that way.
Beloved Fester
lndeed.
For Fester.
For Fester, a brother.
My brother.
One ofa kind.
So good with children
- The doctors all said - Kind to animals.
They never proved anything $l million is the perfect amount
lt's brilliant
lt's untraceable.
But, Tully it's not old business
lt's going to have to wait You know the rules better than that.
This is different This is in my name.
Make an exception.
Old business is old business.
This is new business and we do not discus new business until..
Next quarter.
Fine lunge
but your riposte- tsk tsk tsk
a tad rusty.
Make yourselfcomfortable, old man
while l get the mone for the monthly expenses
[Snap Snap Snap There it is.
Just what we've been searching for.
Thankyou, Thing.
My God
What is it.
A finger trap fro the court of Emperor Wu
lt must be worth a fortune.
Ooh, Morticia.
This is too extravagant..
Even for the auction.
Let's keep it.
Hush, Mama
Widows and orphans
We need more ofthem.
Margaret..
Hmm.
About the seance tonight
l wish you'd come
lt's Gomez
l'm terribly worried about him.
He can't sleep.
He keeps coughing up blood.
He coughs up blood
Well, not like he used to
[Roar.
Down, kitty
[Grrr
[Groans.
There.
The monthly expenses
[Crash.
Miss Bradbury.
She's gone home, Mr. Alford.
Oh, Mrs. Craven
l wasjust about to call you
l'm certain you were.
You haven't met my son Gordon
have you, Mr. Alford.
Hello
ls this the one, Mother.
That deadbeat you mentioned.
No, w-wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. You have to listen to me.
Do we, Mr. Alford? And why.
Hear me out Hear me out.
Please..
Please! Ah Your call, Mother.
Gordon and l enjo a very special relationship She's a pip.
Refreshing, no? Down, Gordon
- Mother - Gordon.
Gordon.
Yeow
We've lent yo a considerable sum
many thousands ofdollars
l don't have the money l've tried everything.
Payment due.
Oh, Gordon, l want to believe him.
Make me proud.
No, no, no, no, no.
He lied to us, Mother.
Those are doubloon for the Addams account
- Addams - There's a fortune.
But nobody can get to it l've tried.
Have you.
Have you tried hard enough.
Ask him, sweetheart.
No, no, no, sweetheart Don't ask.
Fester
[Thunder
lt's a miserable night.
Seance weather.
Children, we're starting.
Put down that antenna [Laughing
lt's unbelievable.
This hideous creatur and my little boy.
They could be twins.
But they're his family. What make you think they'll fall for it.
You shave your head We dress you up. No problem.
They'll think he's Fester
their long-lost brother
l hope so, foryour sake
l've been the Addams lawye foryears.
They're morons.
Obviously
- They got this vault - Where
l'm not sure That's a problem.
Fester's been missing for 25 years.
He and Gomez had a fight.
Gomez feel incredibly guilty about it.
He'll tell you anything. Just ask
lt's foolproof
lt had better be. Now, get out
lt's going to be great.
You're gonna get back al the money l owe you and--and more.
You'll see. Really.
This is it, Mother The one we've been waiting for
no more storefront scams
l get the gold, and we're gone.
And Tully takes the rap.
Gordon, it's brilliant.
No, not Gordon.
Ofcourse not.
Fester.
Big night foryou guys eh, small fry.
Hello, sweetheart.
Could you.
Oh..
Thank God
Welcome, honored guests.
Entrails
[Playing Music By Bach.
Sing, O spirits Harken all souls.
Every year on this date
we offer a clarion cal to Fester Addams.
Stop it.
Pugsley
[Giggles.
Kids From generation to generation
our beacon to the beyond.
All close eyes and join hands.
Ow! What a grip! Ow.
Oh, my hand.
Ohh! My hand.
She's got my hand Aah.
Aah
[Laughing.
Aah.
Excuse me.
O.K., pumpkin, sit down Join the fun.
Mama, you should know better.
Thing, you're a handful
Wednesday..
From the power ofthe grave Tonight, O Death let us be your plague.
Let us ransom yo.
Mama.
Fester Addams ceolicouris ferimanibo-
l feel that he's near.
Fester Addams..
Gatheryour strength..
And knock three times
[Knock Knock Knock.
Did you hear that.
Ask again, Mama, quickly
- By all means - Ask, ask.
Fester Addams l demand that you knock again
[Knock
[Knock [Knock.
He's at the door
- Could it be - ls it him
- ls it possible - Oh, my God.
Fester.
Gomez
[Heavy German Accent Good evening
l am Dr. Pinder-Schloss
[Thunder.
He was found in Miami
tangled in a tuna net
lt wasjust last mont
during the Hurricane Helga.
The sky it was black like pitch.
The waves, they were walls ofdoom.
Can you imagine.
They drag him from the ocean
from the veryjaws ofoblivion.
There were tests so many tests.
A complete psychological profile.
At long last
the Florida Departmen ofthe Fish and the Game
they say, lo and behold
oh, my, oh, my, oh, my..
Go tell it on the mountains
he is your brother
[Crying.
Boom! They give him to m at Human Services
and l am bringing him after all these years
after who know what heartache
after the naked and the dead
l am bringing him home to you.
That's preposterous
lsn't that the most ridiculous thin you've ever heard.
Ahh
lt certainly is.
Now you're back.
Yes, back.
Back to share yourjoys your sorrows-
Hey, everything
l just don't know.
How does this work, again.
An infant would understand.
Ha ha.
Fester Addams..
Home at long last
Well, at least for a week.
A week.
Don't be ridiculous You're home.
Sorry, but l have to get back.
Got a lot ofthings cookin in the Bermuda Triangle.
Oh, Gomez.
Devil's lsland.
The black hole of Calcutta.
Excuse us.
Second honeymoon
[Sizzling
[Morticia Dr. Pinder-Schloss
will you be staying with us, too.
No, no. l must be going.
But l will be back, you can bet
to be checkin on Fester's adjustment.
Cool.
Nobody gets ou ofthe Bermuda Triangle
not even for a vacation.
Everyone knows that.
So much you don't understand.
The human spirit it is a hard thing to kill Even with a chain saw.
Unpacking.
Let me
lt's all right. l can do it.
Crowbar.
Dynamite
"Cyanide.'."
Fester..
As ifwe'd run out.
Good night.
Nosy little brat
[Door Creaks Closed
[Clang Who's there
[Thunder.
Aah.
Aah! Aah! Aah.
My own dear brother
l've got goose bumps
l know.
Screams in the night..
Lt can only mean one thing.
He's home
[Screaming.
Please! Please.
Leave me alone.
Breakfast.
Damn, it's good to have you back.
Let's go.
Two out ofthree.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Home cooking.
There's nothing like I in the world.
May l have the salt
What do we say.
Now
What is this.
Mama's specialitede la maison.
Oh, Tish.
Start with the eyes.
Did you sleep well Like the dead.
Really? Who would hav thought the Bermuda Triangl
could change a man so much.
You used to toss and turn all night
We had to chain you to the bedpost Doesn't make sense
[Lurch Groans The Bermuda Triangle is a ver strange and mysterious place.
You'd be surprised at al the things you don't know
[Fire Hisses.
She certainly would
Wednesday adore the Bermuda Triangle.
She studies it.
Death at sea- She's hooked.
Ask me anything.
Being in my old roo sure brings back memories.
Remember Camp Custer.
For preteen offenders
[Hissing.
Aren't memories precious.
Today l'd like to wande through the house...remembering.
No, no. Sorry, old man no wandering today.
Today we're goin straight to the vault
[Brakes Squeal
[Car Horn Honks
[Loud Crash.
Bravo, Pugsley.
Greed
l feel like we're children again.
Tag. You're it
Whee
. Playmate, come ou and play with me
. And bring your dollies three
. Climb up my apple tree
. Look down my rain barrel
. Slide down my cellar door
. And we'll bejolly friends . Forevermore.
Aah.
Oh.
Aah.
Smell that air, Fester
[Choking.
Like a tomb.
Tuttia bordo, fratello mio.
The sea-- your second home
[Gasping Ship ahoy
[ltalian Music Plays
[Singing OSole Mio.
Do you think that' really Uncle Fester.
Father says so but l think Mother isn't sure.
Pugsley, sit in the chair
- Why - So we can play a game
What game
lt's called..
Ls ThereA God
[Singing ln ltalian.
Ha ha
1 0 to the left.
And then around to..
Uh...5
1 1
2, 1 0, 1 1
Eyes, fingers, toes.
So many years
Welcome back.
Thanks.
Our secret place.
Sanctus sanctorum
lfthese wall could speak, eh, old man
What, uh what would they say.
You tell me.
You first.
Uh-uh.
Senior partner.
Junior spaceman.
First a brandy. Do the honors
l've got a real treat in store
Where is it you ridiculous imbecile
[Humming OSole Mio
[Growling
[Whimpering.
Aha.
Show time.
There.
The debutante ball.
Remember that fateful night.
Ofcourse.
Your first cigar
What? Come on l've smoked since l was 5.
Mother insisted.
Flora and Fauna.
Quite the pair, eh, Gomez.
Can you ever forgive me
What
l didn't love them yet l wooed them bot.
You were so dashing, you coul have any woman you wanted
l wasjealous
lnsanelyjealous
l admit that now.
But l did not mean to drive you off.
Not to the Bermuda Triangle
Water under the bridge.
Forgiven. Forgotten.
Come on. Say it.
Say the secret password.
The password? l..
Come on. Stop fooling You remember
l'm choking. Please.
You forgot our secret password
the word we use a hundred times a day
our special private nam for each other.
That was a long time ag when we were children.
You almost killed me you demented freak.
Poor devil, what did they d to you in that Bermuda Triangle.
But if he's not Uncle Fester then who is he.
Somebody else
lt has to warm up
Why.
So it can kill you
l knew that.
Children, what are you doing
l'm going to electrocute him.
But we're lat for the charity auction.
But, Mother..
L said no.
Please.
Oh, all right.
This magnificent piec is encrusted with rubie
and 1 5 emerald chips.
Uh, it was donated b Morticia and Gomez Addams.
Remember, this year over halfour proceed
will benefit the elderl and the mentally disabled
l'll open the bidding at $5,000
5? Hah! Not good enough
$20,000
What are they doing
l have 20
- 25 - 25
Cara mia
30
Mon sauvage
35
50
l have $50,000.
Your turn, my ecstasy
50,000 going once 50,000 going twice.
Sold to Morticia Addams for $50,000
[Ecstatic Moaning
lsn't it too enchanting How do you take it off.
There's a trick to it..
Ofcourse
[Train Whistle
"How do you take it off?' That's absurd."
That finger tra was a party favo at his 1 0th birthday.
Oh, no.
Father's playing with his trains.
He wore that finger tra for two years.
Mother had to teach hi to eat with his feet.
And the combinatio and the passwor and my cigar and he slept so well.
He's using the diesel.
The covered bridge.
Dead man's curve.
Aah
[Whistle Blows Aah
[Maniacal Laughing.
Aah
lt's all abou Uncle Fester, isn't it.
Spirits above me give me a sign.
Shall l bejoyous or shall l be damned.
Sleepless night
Walk with me, Fester.
Aunt LaBorgia.
Executed by a firing squad.
Cousin Fledge.
Torn limb from lim by four wild horses.
And darling Uncle Eimar Buried alive.
Psychopaths..
Fiends..
Brutes, Fester.
Pioneers.
Lest we forget.
Your beloved Muerto.
Afteryou left he was simply a different vulture.
He wouldn't circle.
He wouldn't peck.
That's how muc you mean to this family.
Mother and Father Addams.
How l wish the childre
could have known them better
but tell that to an angry mob.
And our credo
"Sicgorgiamusallo subjectatosnunc. '"
We gladly feast on thos who would subdue us.
Notjust pretty words.
As an Addams
you understand completely don't you.
As an Addams..
Yes, l do.
Good night, Fester.
Rest in peace.
They're on to me, Mother l'm almost sure.
Ofcourse l tried. l still can' find it. You gotta get over here
"Arsenic, cyanide"- cyan--arsenic.
Don't say that.
You know l do
[Groans.
His trains are everywhere.
The children are beside themselves
ls that foryour brother
l don't think so.
How can l help him Tell me, Mama.
Troubled husbands.
Adultery.
Oh, no.
Uh, financial, money troubles.
No
"Turned into toad or reptile.'"
ls there an index
[Groans.
They know l'm a fraud.
The whole bunch
lt's not going to work
Who knows? Gomez that overheated moron.
He's no moron He's Fester's brother They had som awful fight years ago.
He's suspicious They all are. l can tell.
Really? Well thank God l came over here l will counse the troubled family
ease their distress
lt's my calling remember, Gordon
[German Accent l'm a doctor
Why don't you spea to Fester, darling.
He's right outside the door
l would speak with Feste ifthat were Fester
but that is not That's an impostor.
An impostore.
A charlatan! A sham.
A counterfeit
[Swordplay.
Hmm..
O villain, villain smiling, damned villain
Who calls me a villain breaks my pate across
cuts off my beard and blows it in my face
lf l must strike you dead l will.
Ohh..
Ahh..
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Give me that sword.
Haven't you eve slaughtered anyone.
He's only a child.
No excuse.
Aim for a major artery.
Thejugular.
A faker.
A phony.
An utter fraud.
A base, deceitful-
Mr. Addams
l believe l am understanding.
The theory ofdisplacement-
No. Tish
ls this familiar.
Oh, it is too exciting
l will explain
ls it unpleasant.
Deeply.
Your very own brother you drive him away "Go! Offwith you!'.
But then you are feelin
the little black monster Pugsley Guilt. Yes.
Your brother returns You feel guilty.
You displace.
The feeling in your brain cells
l do
they bubble and collide.
You suspect things You love him but you resent him.
Love. Hate.
Hate. Love Like for Mama. No
l didn't hate my mother lt was an accident
lt's a very common psychosis l'm seeing it every day.
Lucky doctor.
Displacement. How bizarre.
And here l though Fester was the problem.
He's sullen
- He sulks - l suspect him
- You're unbalanced - And l hate him.
By God, you're right He is Fester Thankyou, Dr. Pinder-Schloss
l do what l can.
You see, children there's lots to learn
"Gangrene.' Ooh.. Uncle Fester how do you know so much"
l've been around l pick things up
ln the Bermuda Triangle.
Look, children a new chapter
- "Scabs.' - "Scabs.'.
Three parts dynamit with a nitroglycerin cap
lt's perfect fo small holes, carports
and toolsheds.
Mother Everyone will be at th children's play tonight, correct.
Oh, yes l've been working with them
lt's going to be fun.
Fun
ls that wha we're here for, fun.
See what they've driven me to
l've raised a hand to my child
my reason for living.
You can't go to the play.
But the kids..
The house will be deserted The vault will be ours.
But, Mother..
Can you hear it, my treasure.
My heartbeat lt beats only foryou.
Listen closely. lt says "Gordon, l love you Gordon, the vault.'
l do hear it.
Soon we'll have the money
and we'll be far from here.
Loving mother..
Grateful son.
Understood.
Ah, there you are, at last
What a fool l was to doubt you.
Dr. Pinder-Schlos explained everything
What a lovely woman. So chilly.
Displacement lt's a common psychosis
lsn't that grand
ls it.
Look at it, Fester.
The primeval ooze-
quicksand, fumes, toxic waste
lt's all ours, Fester.
You belong here, old man.
Stay.
You don't know what you're asking You have a beautiful wife wonderful children
a wasteland l'm in the way ln the way? My brother.
Gomez, take care Foryou life is all fun and games.
You dance in a graveyard Stench. Decay.
Precisely. You're back All those years apart, Fester
We can't do that again.
You're home
[Gomez Fore [Two Windows Break
[Dogs Bark.
Damn you, Addams [Laughing.
Uncle Fester
[Knock On Door.
Come on, Uncle Fester.
Come to the play l said l was busy.
But you said you'd help u
with the Shakespeare and the pus
l changed my mind.
Mrs. Addams can l see you for a moment l'm Susan Firkins
l'm Wednesday's teacher Oh, ofcourse
Wednesday's told u so much about you
Wednesday I an excellent student
but, frankly, l'm concerned.
You see, this I our class bulletin board.
This month our them is our heroes- people we love and admire.
You see, Susan Ring has chosen the president
lsn't that sweet.
And Harmony Fel has picked Jane Pauley.
Have you spoken to her parents.
But Wednesda brought in this picture-
Calpurnia Addams
Wednesday' Great-aunt Calpurnia.
She was burne as a witch in 1 706.
They say she danced nake in the town squar
and enslaved a minister.
Really.
Oh, yes But don't worry
We've told Wednesda
college first
lsn't he adorable
l made this myself
What is he, a lizard An elf.
Look at you.
That's better.
You are too precious for words
Why, l could just eat you alive.
Oh, no, Margaret. Too young
. La la la la la la la la la la la
. Getting to know you
. Getting to know all about you
. Getting to like you
. Getting to hope you like me
. Putting it my way, but nicely . You are precisely
. My cup oftea...
Wednesday, Pugsley
l changed my mind.
Uncle Fester
. When l am with you
. Getting to know...
Gordon? Gordon
lt's Mother.
Damn it, where is he
l never should have used him
. Free and easy
. When l am with you
. Getting to know what to say
l knew you couldn' stay away, old man
. And breezy
. Because ofall the mos beautiful and new
. Things that l a learning about you
. Day by day
. By day.
Damn it.
Gordon. Gordon.
Are you there.
Gordon.
Ooh! Ooh! My goodness.
Say! Look! Ooh Will somebody come here-
Oh, good--Oh! Aah.
Oh, my.
Hmm! Hmm! Hmm! Ah-ha ha.
How all occasion do inform against m
and spur my dull revenge Oh, from this time forth
my thoughts be blood or nothing worth
lf l must strike you dead, l will.
A hit.
A very palpable hit.
O proud Death..
What feast is towar in thine eternal cell.
Sweet Oblivion, open your arms
[Choking And Gasping For Breath.
Bravo.
Bravo Bravo.
There were sailors, pirates
and a plane full oftourist from Miami Beach
all lost in the Triangle.
Uncle Fester will you take me there someday
lt's a promise.
Good night, Wednesday.
Good night.
You were terrific.
Uncle Fester.
A theatrical triumph
lt's like a dream
it was an evening much like this Magic in the air.
A boy.
A girl.
An open grave
lt was my first funeral.
You were so beautiful Pale and mysterious.
No one even looked at the corpse.
Your cousin Balthazar.
You were still a suspect
l couldn't stop staring at yo
all through the eulogy.
Your eyes, your mustache
your laugh.
You bewitched me
l proposed that very night Just think-
Someday we'll be buried here side by side, 6 feet under
in matching coffins
our lifeless bodie
rotting together for all eternity.
Cara mia.
Mon sauvage.
Hey, bigfoot.
Don't stare.
Did you like the blood
l was so proud
Weren't we all
Wednesday, play with your food.
Aah.
Mama
Who put this in here.
That's for company.
Rascals.
Doctor, you were so right
What an evening [Morticia Fester fit right in
lsn't that nice.
The displacement is over.
Does he really have to go Yes, he does
Well, if he insists upon leaving
we shall mark the occasion
We've planned a farewell party.
Tish
We've invited the entire clan
What a lovely gesture
We're a family again
and we owe it all to you Dr. Pinder-Schloss.
Please--Greta.
Greta.
Fester, walk me out
l'm fine, Mother.
They're not your family, Gordon
l am.
They don't love you
l do.
They're evi and corrupt and degraded
l can give you that
We'll see.
Open up.
A party.
For me.
Tish
how long has it bee since we've waltzed.
Oh, Gomez.
Hours
... Too legit, too legit to quit..
...Hey, hey..
... Too legit, too legit to quit.....
[Gibberish
[Groans
[Gibberish
[Groans
[Gibberish
[Groans
lt, old man [Gibberish You're right.
Far too long
[Gibberish.
Don't let me out ofyour sight.
These people are abnormal.
Don't exaggerate
[Gibberish
[Gibberish.
Oh, by all means.
They're clients, Margaret
Wheeee.
Yes, Mother
Would you run upstair
and check on your uncle, please
Why, Lumpy Addams.
Look at you.
All grown up
[Gordon l understand
[Mother l hope so.
Don't let me down Don't buckle
lt's not gonna be easy.
You can do I ifyou stop whining.
There are people everywhere.
Nobody likes that
lt's unattractive.
All right. Fine
l will try and reac the vault tonight.
But if l can't
well, then that's it.
O.K., Mother
l knew it.
You are a fake Come here, my little one
Wednesday.
Get her.
Flora and Fauna Amor
l cannot see
l am blinded by such beauty.
Gomez Addams.
You terrible flirt.
Always was.
At least with me.
Copycat.
Tag-along
Why, Gomez, the Amor twins
l've heard so much about you.
Morticia, you nabbed him.
This darling man.
He was mine.
He was mine How can l compete.
You're twice the woman l am.
Tully, the Amor twins.
They're waiting for Fester.
Amuse them.
Hello, Tully.
Oh, my God
[Gibberish.
You mean you don't know
lt's too intriguing.
Fester's king ofthe castle again isn't he.
Fester's the older brother so he gets it all-
The house, the money you name it.
Fester's single, isn't he Are you, Mr. Alford
Why, Fauna-
l'm Fauna
l'm Flora
l'm flattered.
Excuse me, ladies
l can't find her anywhere.
Let'sjust leave.
Now pull yourselftogether.
She'll turn up the little cockroach.
Get to the part or they'll suspect something.
Yes, Mother
l'll be down soon.
Everyone
your attention, please
[Music Stops.
Tonight we dance fo our treasured guest of honor-
Fester Addams.
The mamushka.
Taught to u by our Cossack cousins
the mamushka has bee an Addams family traditio
since God knows when
We danced the mamushk while Nero fiddled
We danced the mamushk at Waterloo
We danced the mamushk forJack the Ripper.
And now, Fester Addams
this mamushka is foryou
[Russian Music Plays
Where are you going There's trouble.
Hey, not to worry.
Plan "B.'.
But that hideou little girl knows-
l'm in charge
1 0 minutes, l'll be back
. Mamushka
. Hey, hey, hey, hey
. And a hey and a he And a hey and a hey Wait
. l swear by Mummy and Daddums
. This detestable Fester's
. The echt Fester Addams
. So
. Hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey, hey, hey
. Let's dance the danc of brotherly love!
. Mamushka.
What the hell' going on over there.
How would you lik to be rid ofthe Addamse
for good
l'm serious
What can l do foryou.
You are going to love this
We've been marrie for almost 20 years.
Sometimes it seems like more
Well, people grow.
People change
[Gibberish
lsn't it a beautiful night
l'll call once l'm alone.
You're a marvelous dancer
lt's been such fun
[Gibberish
l can't. We mustn't
[Gibberish
[Horn Honks.
Call me . Mamushka, mamushka. L swallowed with one whoosh-ka
. And a hey and a hey
. And a hey, hey, hey
. Hey
. Hey, hey.
Gordon
. Hey, hey, hey.
Gordon, stop it
. Hey, hey.
Stop it, Gordon.
Stop it this instant ls that lipstic all overyour face.
From the twins.
The beauteous Amor twins.
The twins.
Gordon, l don't understand Have you been havin a good time.
Yes! l have
lt was marvelous
l sang up a stor
and danced till l dropped.
The mamushka.
And a hey! And a hey.
And a hey! And a hey! And a hey.
Mother.
Mother? Mother? Who is that
l don't think l recall.
Mother, please
l'm just fine
l'm dandy.
Don't concern yoursel about me, Gordon Please, retur to your depraved orgy.
Sometimes l thin you're not even my son.
Don't say that.
You only owe me your entir existence on this planet.
Please, Gordon, by all means
go sing, dance, date.
Oh, Mother, l'm so terribly sorry
lt's over
lt means nothing.
The siamese twins, the hunchback.
Cousin lt-
They're not you.
Make me believe it.
And l want money
We've got to find Tully.
Look, our little boy.
All tuckered out.
He looksjust like a little entree
Where's the party lt's over, darling.
Have you seen your sister.
Not since before the mamushka.
Gomez.
Fan out.
Pugsley, head for the dung heap.
Mama and Morticia the shallow graves
l'll take the abyss.
Lurch, check ou the bottomless pit.
Fester.
Up here.
Fester, you take the ravin and the unmarked abandoned well.
Someone should stay behin
in case she comes back.
Good man. Good thinking.
Then who'll take the swamp.
That's the spirit, Thing.
Lend a hand.
Let's go.
Gordon Don't dawdle
What are you doing
l'm relaxing.
Have you gone mad.
Au contraire
[Groans
[Pugsley Wednesday
Wednesday
[Granny Wednesday
Wednesday
What is all this.
This is a restraining order.
Restraining order Yes. Lt requires yo to keep a distanc
of 1,000 yards from this house l am restrained from my own house.
Not anymore
lt belongs to the oldes living descendant
the elder brother- Fester Addams.
Fester adores Gomez.
He's afraid of him Seeing the twins brought it back
l demand to speak with Fester.
He's very hurt.
Just leave.
But he isn't even Uncle Fester.
Justice shall prevail.
The courts will decide.
They say a ma who represents himsel
has a fool for a client
Well, with God as my witness
l am that fool.
Therefore it is with no small amoun
that l declare Fester Addam
legal executor ofthe Addams estat and rightful owne ofall possession
and properties contained therei
with one exception.
Gomez Addams
l believe these are yours
[Gate Crying
- Aah - Aah.
You are doing this on purpose.
That's right, Mother lsn't this fun
[Rooster Crows.
Yes, we've bee forced from our home.
Yes, we've been betraye by those we trusted
but we are Addamses
and we will not submit
ofthe tortoise and the hare-
the swift yet laz little cottontai
and his slo but determined companion
What does this story teach us.
Kill the hare.
Skin it. Boil it Put the tortoise on the highway.
During rush hour.
Yes
We will survive.
Poison us.
Strangle us
We will come back for more.
And why Because we like it.
Because we're Addamses
We're Addamses
[M.C. Hammer Son Plays On Boom Box.
On the house.
Here, Lurch
[Rumbling
We have so many homemaker reentering the workforce Your domestic skill can be very valuable.
Private tutors.
Major.
Spells and hexes.
Liberal arts
What about your husband
ls he currently employed.
He's going throug a bad patch at the moment
but it's not his fault.
Ofcourse not
What is he, a loafer.
A hopeless layabout.
A shiftless dreamer Not anymore
ls this made from real lemons.
Yes
l only like all-natura fruits and beverages
organically grow with no preservatives Are you sure they're real lemons.
Yes Well, l'll tell you what
l'll buy a cup ifyou buy a bo
of my deliciou Girl Scout cookies. Deal Are they made from real Girl Scouts.
And, so, the witc lured Hansel and Grete
by promising them more sweets.
She told them to look in the oven.
She was about to push them I
when, lo and behold.
Hansel pushe the poor, defenseless witc
into the oven instea
where she was burned alive writhing in agony.
Now, boys and girls what do you think that feels like.
Ooh
Welcome to theshow.
Voodoo witch doctor in the UnitedStates-
Here, kitty-kitty
oris thisjust tabloidhooey
We'dloveyou to calli withyourcomments.
After lunch, we'll try again.
Yes, Mother
We'll find the money Meanwhile, we have this little nest
quiet and cozy
without that dreadful family.
Yes, Mother
wasbrainwashe by voodoo witch doctor
andforcedto recruit others.
Let's take a call.
Hello, Sally.
Mr. Addams, pleasestop calling
We do not know where theymeet.
Let's take anothercall.
Gomez, why don't we go for a drive.
A drive.
And miss Gilligan.
Dinner's going to be late.
Here, boy. Here, boy
[Dog Barks.
Gordon.
Gordon
[Knock Knock
l would like to spea with Fester, please.
You're a desperate woma
consumed by greed and bitterness
We could have been such friends.
But, Mother-
Stop stalling
and stop badgering me.
Any thoughts.
None whatsoever.
Tully, take over. Tighten it
l got this stomach thin when l torture people.
Again.
Ooh.
Tighter.
Ah You've done this before
Who is it
We're paid through Thursday.
Mor-Morticia.
Morticia..
Morticia what.
Slow down
lt's terrible when you stutter.
Morticia..
In..
Danger. Stop.
Send help..
At once. Stop.
You can't.
Not with red-hot pokers
ls this gonna smell
charlatan.
Tully Alford-
deadbeat
parasite.
How Gomez adored you
Well, not enough.
Morticia Please.
And, dear Fester
which is the real you-
the loathsome, underhande monsteryou've becom
or the loathsome underhanded monste
we came to love.
Don't ask me
l know what you're feeling, Fester.
Gordon.
Gordon, l have a thought.
Just a notion, top of my head.
Tell me what you think.
Since you and Mrs. Addam are so very close..
Be my guest.
Cara mia.
Addams.
Mon cher.
Darling, take care.
Dirty pool, old man Never again.
One foryou, Tully
and now..
One for me Gomez, l'm on retainer Let him up.
That's right.
Now get moving, Addams.
Take him to the vault
and ifyou're not bac in one hour..
[German Accent l displace her
[Violins Play.
Tish, seeing you like this
my blood boils.
As does mine.
This wheel of pain..
Our wheel To live without you- only that would be torture.
A day alone-
only that would be death.
Knock it off
[Violins Stop.
The vault, Addams, right now.
Can it, Gordon.
Stop dragging your feet.
You disgust me.
You're nothin but a useless, sniveling baby
a stone around my neck
l should have left yo where l found you.
No tricks, Gomez That's the wrong book.
Allow me.
Good show, old man.
Put that book down, Gordon.
You don't know what it can do
lt's notjust literature.
Oh, really
[Whoosh.
Quickly, darling.
Gordon, l'm your friend.
Think ofthe doubloons.
They're not yours, Tully.
Back off.
Leather straps Red-hot pokers Later, my dearest Keep the book closed.
Listen to Mother
l'll never listen to you
never ever again
l had to be strict with yo because l cared. Put it down.
You never really loved me.
Fester, this way.
Stop whining, you littl good-for-nothing. Be a man.
You were a terrible mother.
There! l said it.
Aah [Growl
[Whinny.
Are they dead.
Does it matter.
Trick or-
- Aah - Aah.
Here we come.
Pugsley, old man
Why, look at you.
How do you like it What can l say.
He's gonna break hearts.
Trick or treat
[Gibberish Hello, Margaret Cousin lt
l almost didn't recognize you
lsn't he handsome.
Everyone keeps askin where he bought his costume
lt is a wonderful hat
What are you, darling Where's your costume
[Gibberish.
This is my costume.
They lookjust like everyone else
l'm a homicidal maniac
l'm so gla l can spend this nigh with my famil now that l've got my memory back.
Thank God for that lightning.
Knocked some sense into you
[Gibberish.
You remember, old man.
Dr. Pinder-Schlos really did find Feste
tangled in a tuna ne 25 years ago
with amnesia.
From the Bermuda Triangle
[Gibberish.
How true.
Stranger things have happened.
Please, Uncle Fester.
Pugsley.
For the picture.
All right, everybody
time for a game
What shall it be.
Bobbing for apples.
Charades
[Gibberish.
Ofcourse. Wake the dead
Wake the dead.
Out to the cemetery
l've never played this before.
Did you bring a shovel.
Uncle Fester, be on my team.
No. Mine
We'll give you a head start-
three skulls and a pelvis.
My own dear brother.
Ha ha ha ha.
Come on
We'll catch up
Wake the dead
Wake the dead.
Uncle Atlas, wake up.
Come on, Aunt LaBorgia
wake up.
No, children You have to dig.
That's halfthe fun.
Oh, Tish what more could we ask.
Gomez..
Cara mia, is it true.
Oui...mon amour
Wake up, Grandpa Addams
lt's Halloween.
Great-aunt Lavinia.
Children, look.
She was beheade by her own children
- Yay - Yay.
You rang
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. Now, l was cold coolin'. You know, just kickin' I around the house
. The Addams family
. When a knock, a knock a knock, and a voice
. Yo, can Hammer come out?
. Now, l don't mind bein' a friend
. And showin a little bit offlavor
. But Wednesday, Pugsley Gomez, Fester
. Man, them some strange neighbors
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family . They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. l remember the date
. The Addams family
. l needed to borrow
. A little bit of pepper
. But the next thin you know comin' at me
. Was a hand wit the fingers high-steppin'
. Now, l tried to play it on off
. And act like l'm havin' a ball
. But what do l see?
. A perm with fee standin' about 3 feet tall
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. Speakin' and thinkin about the Addams
. You know the Hammer is with it
. Act the fool, no bones
. Swoop, Goofy and Randy . You know, we kick it
. Now is the tim to get in your mind
. lt's O.K. to be yourself
. Take foolish prid and put it aside
. Like the Addams, yo, they def
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. They do what they wanna do
. The Addams family
. Live how they wanna live
. Say what they wanna say
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family
. Addams, go, go
. The Addams family
. Addams, go, go
. Addams, go, go.
Thankyou, buster.
Oh, yeah.
This is the Addams groov right here. Ah-ha.
Yeah
. Addams, go, go.
Oh, yeah.
You know, you go to feel this thing
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family
. Addams, go, go
l saw that hand, that thing, man
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live . Play how they wanna play. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family The Addams.
Yeah, thankyou, Fester
l need to go bac to the bridge here.
Hah
. Addams, go, go.
Just like that.
Oh, yeah.
You know, you go to feel this thing
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. Addams, go, go
l saw the hand, that thing, man
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. They do what they wanna do
. The Addams family
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance
. Kick and they slap a friend
. The Addams family
. They do what they wanna do
. Say what they wanna say
. Live how they wanna live
. Play how they wanna play
. Dance how they wanna dance. Kick and they slap a friend . The Addams family.
Cousin lt got on the floor
and he got to wigglin and wobblin'
and he did this move.
Everybody backed up you know what l'm saying
. Addams, go, go
. Addams, go, go....
l'm talking about the Addams